Bank of America Blows

Several years back I served as an Assistant Vice President/Curriculum at BofA.  Not that they listened to everything I said when I was there, but things were a whole lot better than than they are now.  Their stock was mid 50s when I was there.  Today it was between 5 and 6.  I'm just sayin'...

All that bailout money.... jeez.

By the way, I read that BofA just this week coughed up $335 MILLION dollars to settle a DOJ lawsuit that dealt with discriminatory lending to minorities. And they call themselves Bank of America? Who said they could use that name... America?  America is ours, it belongs to the people and a business should have to prove themselves worthy before they try to cash in on the good name of our country. Ok, it's been beat around, too, but it's still America.. still great... still the best.  Let me suggest BofA rename themselves, "Bank that Blows." Oh, yeah... they have to make up that 335M somehow.  As my esteemed economics professor at ESU, Harrison Hartman used to say, "Bend over and spread 'em.  Here it comes...." 

So... how do they blow?  Let me count the ways...

Just this week I went to the bank branch to get a certified cashiers check for  a large sum of money.  They charged me a $10 fee.  I asked the teller why and she had no clue.  As a matter of fact she said, "I don't know," and went back about her business of getting my check ready.  A "helpful" supervisor who heard my question came over and did her best to tell me that the fee covers the extra time it takes to process the check. In this case, the teller took my info, took out a blank check, put the check in the printer, and handed me my completed check. Extra time to process the check?  Really?  It took all of 30 seconds.  My $10 was a charge for 30 seconds of BofA employee time.  (Ironic because the teller probably makes less than $10/hr).   Yes, I did do the math.  That's $1,200 an hour for "extra time" it takes them to process a cashiers check.  The bailout money certainly doesn't help us there!
 
Two months ago my BofA Visa debit card cracked in half after being used thousands of times to generate hundreds of dollars of card processing revenue for the bank.  I went into the branch.  They smiled.  They gave me a temporary card to use and told me I'd recieve my new card in the mail in 5-7 business days.  I did.  I also received a $5 charge on my next statement for the replacement card.  That was un-American! It was BS!

Nope... not done yet. I have overdraft "protection" on my checking account at BofA.  When I use my debit card the money comes out of my checking account.  When I use it too much and there is no money in my checking account I am "protected",  It's like there's a condom on my checking account!  The only problem is Bank of America, who I did not recognize until this very moment is in the prophylactic business, charges me $10 for the condom.  That's right... when they take MY money from My savings, and put it in MY checking account to cover, they charge ME $10.  I think the condom is a good reference because many people use them when they are getting screwed. I know, that's harsh, but it just didn't have the right effect when I said, getting "made love to."

Finally, you remember BofA's announcement that they were going to charge $5/month for use of your debit card, whether you used it or not?  It took 22 year-old Molly Katchpole, an unemployed grad student,  to get up a petiton that eventually had 370,000 signatures on it for BofA to back down.  But I guarantee you they have some other amount of rediculousness up their sleeves.

So this post begins my exodus from BofA. I'm off to one of the local credit unions.  I know they'll have fees of their own, but I'll look at them as "community" based fees... not America based fees.

OK, and finally, here are the Top Ten Signs that you are doing business with the wrong bank...

10. When you make a deposit, tellers high-five each other.
9. After you get a free toaster, bank president shows up at your house every day for breakfast.
8. Your monthly statements are handwritten, in crayon.
7. When you want to make a withdrawal, clerks suddenly don't speak English.
6. You notice vault has screen door entrances and exits.
5. Your safety deposit box is an empty Happy Meal container.
4. No cash drawers.  All cash deposits go directly into teller's pocket or purse.
3. Lobby is waist-deep in Mexican pesos.
2. Toll-free customer service line is: 1-800-SCREWU.
1. Four words: Bank President Bernie Madoff

Whitey Out! (no charge....)