Never Judge a Man Until You've Walked a Mile with His Pants Down Around Your Ankles.

Oooooh, that Anthony Weiner resigned before I had a chance to get the Weiner Mo-Blog all ready to go.

Well, what can I say?  I’ve been procrastinating for weeks and posting my comments on FaceBook instead of getting them ready to be blog fodder.  My disclaimer for this post simply says I have no intention of talking about the photo itself, so read on!  This post is not PG-13, but I think I’ve kept things in check.

Finally, I want to say Thank You to Late Night TV for the inspiration.
So, without further ado….

I’m sure Weiner carefully thought this whole thing over before proceeding to put a photo of his junk on Twitter. Thanks goodness he didn’t put it on Face Book. Where's that "Dislike" button?
Before he sent the photo into cyberspace he probably thought to himself, “What could go wrong?” If he thought enough about it (I especially did not use the phrase “thought long and hard about it"), he would have decided to put it somewhere people wouldn’t see it; for example, on My Space. I guess at no point did he ever think, “If I get caught, I have a name that would exponentially increase my embarrassment.”

I particularly enjoyed the early stages of this story when Weiner could not say with certainty whether the photo was him or not. Did he have so many other pics of dicks around and that one got away? It’s like that sock that escapes from your dryer only to be found weeks later in the street half a block from your house.

He flat-out denied the picture was him, even telling Wolf Blitzer that "it doesn’t look familiar.” Folks, my penis is something I’m familiar with, as are most men. As a matter of fact, we are so familar with our manhood that when, and if, we ever had to describe it to a police sketch artist, it would be in custody and behind bars within the hour.
If I were Weiner, I would have blamed it on Bret Favre from the git-go. Bret has some recent experience with sexting, right?  I have to say taking a photo of your own johnson must be difficult.  Is the lighting right?  Am I smiling? And am i aware of what's in the background, or is there a big tree sticking out of the top of my ...head? I suppose if the "sexting" trend continues, digital cameras will have settings like portrait, sports, landscape, beach, genitalia, etc....

There are 3 things in this world I am sure of. One is that the movie "Brian’s Song" can turn a frat house full of beer-drinking tough guys into a mess of sniffling sissies. Second, I am sure that OJ did it, and the third is, I would recognize a birds-eye view of my trouser mouse taken from three feet above it. So, for Weiner to say he couldn’t say for sure whether the photo was him is to say that HE’s that guy who looks all around and off into the distance when he’s standing at the urinal. For me it’s always eyes straight down to make sure I’m hitting the target, and from now on, to make sure I'll recognize my pee-pee should it ever make a break for it and show up unclaimed on the WWW.

I suppose this new internet technology has made it easy for all this to happen. Remember the old days when a senator had to get into his car, drive to the airport, find the airport bathroom, try to figure out which stall the right guy is in, tap his foot, etc? Heck, now they can mail the picture right to your home or office! Come to think of it, I heard a rumor years ago that members of Congress could mail their packages for free. Now I know it’s true!  And up until 3 weeks ago, I never knew wat real junk mail was.

In an ironic twist to the whole story, Weiner and Bill Clinton are close friends. Weiner’s wife is Hillary Clinton’s top aide. Bill Clinton performed the Weiner’s wedding ceremony. Of course Bill was very disappointed when the scandal broke. He was very upset with Congressman Weiner. Oh, not for the picture. Clinton was upset because Weiner didn’t tell him about the technology that allowed him to do it.

When asked about the Congressman Weiner scandal, President Obama said that if it were him, he'd resign. When Bill Clinton was asked about the same thing he said, 'If it was me, I wouldn't be surprised.'" Friends of a feather……

It turns out that one of the women Weiner was communicating with was a porn star. When asked how it was possible to get involved with someone in such a sleazy business, the porn star said, 'I don't know. It just happened.'"

Now Weiner is desperately trying to make things right with his wife. You can tell he’s sorry. Today he sent her a picture of his penis with a little sad face on it. A nice gesture, wouldn’t you say?

Was the whole thing newsworthy? Absolutely! I know years from now people will remember where they were and what they were doing when they heard Weiner twitted his junk.

There is all kinds of stuff left to say and tell about, but then I’d have to stray from being tasteful. It’s hard to talk about someone’s wedding tackle and be PG-13. I missed that mark terribly here, but it was fun.

Weiner has resigned, but his career is far from over. Let’s look at the life of a disgraced politicians. They do  great things prior to running for election, then win in a landslide.  Then they do something incredibly stupid, deny it, admit it, and then resign.  And then to cap off that crazy roller coaster ride, they place in the top three in Dancing with the Stars.

Alright... nothing left to do then except reprint some of the best Weiner headlines:

Pressure Mounting on Weiner

Weiner Exposed!

Obama Comes Down Hard on Weiner

Weiner’s Pickle

Weiner Hard to Swallow

Weiner Gets Grilled


And after he resigned:

Weiner Pulls Out



That’s All Folks!