Nine Years Later: Thoughts from Ground Zero + 2,500 Miles

Anyone with a pulse was permanently changed that day. There wasn't a thing you could do about it.
Although I lived in Phoenix, the girl I was dating at the time worked for a large Wall Street firm with an office within blocks of Ground Zero.. and it was a work day for her.

On September 11, 2001, my day started out as one of those beautiful Arizona days where summer was just starting to give way to fall. At that time of year, there is a 3-hour time difference between here and there.
Even though I probably spoke to her the night before, I still looked forward to her quick email message that would greet me each morning when I woke up. On that morning the message was slightly different than normal. It was one of those messages that you take note of because it's not what you're expecting. My messages from "K" were always bright and upbeat. This one simply said, "I'm OK after the crash, but there are people I need to help. I will call you later." Being that she worked for a Wall Street firm, I thought she was talking about a stock market event. I looked at the clock and although it was only 6:00a.m., I turned on the TV to see what was happening on Wall Street. But, the story wasn't about Wall Street. The TV snapped to a live broadcast of the north tower burning and not less than a minute later, I watched in horror as Bryant Gumbel described the second plane and its surreal and deadly path into the south tower.

And then my phone began to ring. It was one of those calls where you look at the phone for a few seconds before you answer it. It was my boss who asked me if I had heard from "K", and was she alright? A few more calls asking the same question. I'm not sure what kind of impression I made on the phone because my thoughts were now elsewhere. The first time I dialed her number I got the "all circuits are busy" message, and the second and third attempts were met with the same message.

From everything I saw, the area where she worked was total chaos. And the question of whether the first plane was an accident, was answered with the impact of the second plane. Was I really seeing this? Was this really happening? Within an hour of waking up that day, two planes had struck the Twin Towers and one crashed into the Pentagon. While we all watched the devastation in New York City, 40 heroes battled the terrorists that hijacked Flight 93 which departed for San Francisco earlier that morning from Newark. In a short while, they would crash at 530 mph into a field in western Pennsylvania. And in no time after that, the greatest symbols of financial wealth and power in the world, buildings that once stood 100 stories proud, collapsed into 60-foot piles of unrecognizable rubble.

I have a great view of the mountains around Phoenix from the second floor of my home. I remember walking to the the window and slowly opening the blinds unsure of what I would see. I'd always heard that Phoenix was a target for terrorists. Within a 35 mile radius is Luke Air Force Base where the majority of the Air Force F-16 fighter pilots are trained. And about 40 miles outside of the city limits is the Palo Verde Nuclear Generating Station... the largest facility of its kind in the world. I saw nothing alarming, but at that moment, the fact that I lived 2,500 miles from Ground Zero made no difference at all. There was no distance between me and the people in and around NYC, Washington, DC, and Shanksville, Pennsylvania. At that moment all of us.. you, me, them... shared the same DNA.

I was fortunate enough to have phone contact with "K" once during the day, so I knew that she was at least physically safe. Her position in Human Resources would require her to do a few things before she tried to leave the city and get back t her home in suburban NJ... normally a 35 minute trip. In our first conversation, about two hours after the first strike, I told her, "the world changed this morning, Kathe. Nothing will ever be the same." Then I sat in a chair in front of my TV for 11 straight hours. I did not get up, I did not go to the bathroom, I did not eat. And several times, depending on what was on the screen, I think I momentarily forgot to breathe. I watched the same televison video over and over and over again each time thinking "this is not happening... not here, not now." And I wiped the same tears away... over and over and over again.
My mother had passed away just a few months earlier and as much as I missed her, I remember thinking I'm glad she didn't live to see this.

"K" normally had a fabulous view from her office (Brooklyn Bridge, skyscrapers of lower Manhattan, etc.), but that day it was partially obscured by the dust clouds created when the towers fell.
She had a family she needed to get home to, and she finally made it there about 6:30p.m.; almost 10 hours to make a trip that normaly takes 35 minutes. Fortunately, she did not drive into the city that day, but took the ferry instead. One of the first emergency measures taken was to close all bridges and tunnels leading into NYC. In hindsight, the ferry was a good choice that day.

I knew I needed to be with her, but I was here and she was there. For several days there was no commercial flights to or from anywhere. My friend, Allie, from Scranton was here in Phoenix for a business meeting and scheduled to leave the following day. Four days later he wound up renting a car and driving back to Pennsylvania.

Speaking to "K" on the phone was difficult. How do you avoid talking about the most unprecedented event in modern history? And understandably, every so often all I could hear was sobbing at the other end of the phone. "Helpless" was the perfect, and only way to describe my feelings.

A few days after the event, "K" was hearing of friends she knew who were missing.. friends that worked in the towers. Prior to her employment at the time, she had worked for several of the major brokerages, all which had WTC offices. Cantor Fitzgerald, a brokerage firm, which occupied the 101st to 105th floors of the north tower, lost 658 of their associates.. more than 2/3 of their entire work force. Maybe I could relate. On November 14, 1970, my friend, Ted Shoebridge, was killed when a plane carrying the Marshall University football team crashed returning from a game. Ted was their quarterback. No one survived the crash. I remember how I ached not only for Ted's family, but the familes of all the players and coaches. Looking back, it is unfathomable to even think about the impact September 11, 2001, had on the remaining employees of Cantor Fitzgerald and the families and friends of those employees who worked on floors 101-105. There is an inconsolable difference between losing one of your friends and losing 658 of your friends.

I know we all have our stories about the day and as traumatic and difficult as mine was, I knew "K" was greatly affected and most likely still has a very difficult time with the memory of that day.

Up to a year afterwards we would be out somewhere and she, for no apparent reason, would begin to cry. I say for no apparent reason, but the reasons she had were true and valid. All I could do was put my arms around her and try to hide my own tears. It didn't make sense then, and it doesn't make sense even now as I write this how anyone, for whatever purpose they have, could be so hateful. How could what someone does or says or believes, piss another person off so much that they would take a life, or 2,983 lives in anger?

It's 9 years later and I still cannot relate this story to anyone without my voice quivering and them realizing that I am still greatly affected. We have all been affected... one block away... ten miles away..... 2,500 miles away. I'm at Ground Zero + 2,500 miles and the events of that day still sadden me beyond what I thought I was ever capable of feeling.

And "K"? We're no longer together. We went our separate ways a year or two later. On occasion we correspond, but that's difficult now. No September 11 will ever pass without me remembering her and that day.

Sometimes I get lucky and say something that proves to be true for a long time. Sadly, I was right on September 11, 2001, when I told her, "the world changed today."