Third Man on a Four Man Bobsled… My Olympic Dream

In 1976, out of college and off for the summer from my teaching job, my fraternity brother Seth and I drove to Montreal in my silver Pontiac LeMans… hence forward called the Hotel Pontiac, because that’s where we slept for the 4 days we were there. We parked on the street and never moved its location, but somehow managed to lose the car one night after we single-handedly rallied the US faithful at a Montreal Beer garden by repeatedly encouraging them to “chug for the US!” Subsequently, people from all nations eventually stood on their chairs and tables, and in their native languages, encouraged their countrymen to chug for their countries. I don’t remember much about the evening, but ironically, it was something I will never forget. And I know somewhere in the world, sometime in the last 34 years, someone from another country has shared the story with their friends about the time two fraternity guys from East Stroudsburg University (Harvard of the Poconos) in the United States of America, brought the world together in a chug fest at the ’76 Montreal Summer Games. It is MY Olympic moment.

Eight years later things were very different. I was married (no chugging allowed) and my wife and I went to the 1984 Los Angeles Summer Games and had the privilege of seeing Mark Gorski win a gold medal in cycling. Watching a US athlete receive a Gold medal at the rewards ceremony is just as good as you think it would be. I won’t lie… I had tears in my eyes as OUR National Anthem played and they hoisted the Stars and Stripes just a little higher than the flags on either side of it. And it was a victory for me, as I was able to cross another item off my bucket list.

Flash ahead to 2010 as I pick up this morning’s newspaper and there’s no mention of our women’s hockey team who have played 2 games, scored 25 goals and given up just one. But, there was plenty to read about a girl who made a mistake 4 years ago in Torino by hot dogging it just before she finished her event and it cost her Gold. She still won Silver… a high honor by any standard, and yet 4 years later this is important? Cut her a break! Why are we like that? This girl is awesome!

And show me the results of all our teams, not just the ones who are hot enough to make the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Wait, hold on a second. Let me think about that and I’ll get back to you.

And if you know me as irreverent, I won’t disappoint you with this next thought about the Men’s figure skaters. I’m not going to argue that figure skating is not a sport because I think it is. These guys are highly conditioned and in great physical shape and train long hours. BUT, why the pink and feathery costumes, with matching eye makeup? Why do they shave their chests and then cover their “outfits” with fur? Seems a bit contradictory, doesn’t it? Can you imagine if Mel Gibson had gone into battle in Braveheart wearing sequins and Maybelline? Although now that I think of it, he was wearing a kilt… but a manly kilt!

OK, enough irreverence. What about curling? Well, what about it? I suppose as long as trampolining and ballroom dancing (you didn’t know?) remain Olympic competitions in the summer, then don’t bash curling (not to be confused with hurling; a European sport where unpadded men knock the living crap out of each other with sticks). Curling is like shuffleboard on ice and without pitchers of Schlitz. My friend and ESU Hall of Famer, Ben Dottshalk (name changed to protect him from identity theft), a champion on the Chet and Bill’s Shuffleboard machine could have won Gold in curling. How do I know? Well, some things you just know. Look for Ben in Sochi, Russia, in 2014. You might ask, “How could he possibly get to Sochi for the games?” My advice would be for him to tell the pilot to make a right at Uzbekistan.

So, what do I like in Vancouver? Having had 4 knee surgeries, I’m always glued to the TV for moguls skiing. I’m in awe that these guys and gals don’t just rattle apart sometime after they leave the gate and before the finish line. Wouldn’t it be funny if during their post-race interviews they sounded like, “wweellllll iiii ttthhooouuuggghhhttt iittttt wwwasssss aaa gooooooood raaaaaace.”

I also like the guys who ski miles through the snow, then get down on their bellies and shoot at targets. That’s awesome! At least it conjures up the old Norsemen moving through the woods and shooting so they can bring home food to a starving village. Although, I’m quite certain that Leif Ericson (not to be confused with Leif Garrett) didn’t have a 30-06 rifle with a scope that could see a dime on the top of the Washington Monument from the top of the Empire State Building.

I love luge and bobsled, although I do have one thing to say about the two man luge…. Ewww!

Years ago my buddy, Stan-O and I, were talking about becoming Olympic athletes. “What event?” he asked. I had an answer in an instant. “Bobsled…”  I even had it narrowed down to the 4-man bobsled, and that we would be the 2nd and 3rd men on a 4-man bobsled. Neither of us would have to steer or brake. Here is my original blueprint for being successful and it’s STILL valid after all these years.
1. Stand next to sled
2. Run and push sled
3. Get into sled and put head down
4. Pray and wait for sled to stop
5. Get out of sled
Thirty years later I believe my training plan will still work and tonight I’ll dream tonight about winning Gold! Although #5 will probably take me longer now than it would have back when we first talked about it.

Go USA! Go World! And God watch over all these young athletes. They represent the best in all of us.

Dedicated to the memory of Nodar Kumaritashvili